Two days till Christmas and in the middle of the night with a sense of urgency I popped out of bed (maybe it was the rich meal I had the night before). Churning emotions, began to tumble within me and the only identifying label I could name was anxiety… I walked about my house in the dark, with only the light of the night sky shining in through the windows. With a blanket I curled up in the front window and I let the night hours hold me for a bit, and the questions began to arise…

How could God entrust, into the hands of this earth, an innocent Son to be carried by a young girl?

Did God know that the place of birth would be a dirty stable with animals breath as a heating system?

And I am called to trust God?

I mean come on, really what was the thought process on behalf of this child? I have kids and I know the longing of a parent’s heart to create pathways that include the very best, I was suddenly a little pissed at God…

Maybe it was the magnitude of the night sky’s expanse, the silence of the walls surrounding me or the lack of sleep but clear as a bell as I made space to hold these questions, I felt what I can only describe as a warm gust of peace stirring around me and it landed gently within my growing agitation (I seem to be experiencing polar opposites these days with some consistency).

Maybe the itchy-raw hay would have felt like a haven of rest after traveling on a donkey’s backside?  Might Joseph have needed to see provision as more than a place to live?

If I don’t truly experience the process and birthing of where I am, I will never learn to live the parts life I have been given. The only way God could ever have known it was okay to entrust Jesus to the womb of a young girl was that the young girl had been born of the womb of God….her origin was from within God as well. The womb of God creates life within us.

This morning I opened my inbox and found a beautiful post from Madeline L’Engle about the womb of God. It comes from her work in Bright Evening Star. Her words are poetic and inspiring and for my blurry eyes they confirmed that the PEACE of God is holding even my anxious questions in a sacred place that creates life, the very womb of God holds me…

 

Advertisements