I was reading through some old journal entries and returned to a season of life that held a lot of loss and elevated emotions:

our family dog, Friday

  • Daughter two was headed to college…
  • Daughter one was headed to Chicago…
  • My Daddy was dying…
  • My dog was dying…
  • I was leaving my job…
  • Beginning a ministry…

An innocent comment of a friend: “Becky you are surviving well in the midst of so much change,” made me mad.

I did not want to be a survivor, last one standing, instead I wanted to be look back and know that I had thrived and lived in the midst the changes that were swirling.

But how?

What did that look like?

My emotions were heightened and my logic was reeling – could I hold both in the midst and what would that look like?

Sitting by my father’s side one day at a doctor’s appointment, his very strong, but wise words to me were, “If you really want to thrive, you will have to let your emotions tutor your logic — they were not designed to be separate.” (Side note, when someone is actively engaged with their own dying, you will want to follow them around with a notepad and pen to gather every morsel they speak).

Your words continue to inspire me...

This made me stop and wonder…for me as a woman what did that look like?

At times it was messy with tears:

  •  grocery shopping holding a favorite cereal and knowing it was not needed at home…
  • hearing phantom barks after my dog’s death…
  • aching from missing my daddy’s hugs…

At times it was filled with logic:

  • flying to a foreign country with my daughter and helping friends move back home…
  • walking someone through a favorite recipe for her own dinner party…
  • seeing the sunset and knowing it would happen again tomorrow…

Who needs emotions?

I do! Emotions are often defined as feminine yet they are a part of being human. How I carry them as a woman may be different from a man, but they continue to be a vital part enriching life and tutoring logic.

Advertisements