As a parent, who was particularly interested in making sure my two daughters had a better “Sex Talk” than I had, I searched high and low for ways to protect and provide information to my children in regards to a sexual language. So, I scoured bookstores and every kind of resource imaginable. I read. I researched. And then I did it all over again.

I was game to try any and every “popular” program that seemed to have so-and-so’s PhD to support a particular theoretical way of teaching a child about sex and their body. So obviously,

I bought coloring books with simple language, they became paper airplanes…

I used anatomically correct body language, grandparents gasped…

I answered questions as calmly as possible, cringing inside from fear…

I gave too much information…

I gave too little information…

I planned the perfect trip, popped in the ”Sex Talk” tape and my daughter (and I, to be perfectly honest) gagged and begged it to stop…

I stumbled…tried again…failed…tried again…

But over the years, I think I ultimately discovered something.

Brace yourself.

You might hardly believe what I discovered.

THERE IS NO PERFECT WAY!!

(Whew! There. I said it).

But this is what I do know, when I look at my body, I see stretch marks from birthing two beautiful daughters. I have watched them grow strong and passionate to embrace and value their sexuality as good. While they lovingly call me, their one and only mother, the “sexpert,” I continue to be amazed at what they have taught me in nurturing a language that honors both sexuality and spirituality.

I remember one day, when both my daughters were still teenagers, I unintentionally left a simple book I was using  for research at the time, lying around the living room. This book had some bizarre name that screamed something about SEX in the title. My daughter’s friend saw it, picked it up and told me she had a question.

There was nothing planned about it…it was right there…in the moment.

So we sat and talked…they returned and we talked more….they read some of what I was reading and studying…and guess what….we began discussing and asking questions together…

I am not sure there is a perfect way to have this conversation with our children about sexuality and their bodies. But time and a huge measure of grace towards myself has taught me one thing…

"Never, never, never give up"

My daughters and I now laugh about the confusing minefield I call a job. But I could not have done this without them. I believe their hearts and minds bear the stretch marks of helping to nurture to life a language that honors sexuality and spirituality. 

Silly me, maybe this was the perfect plan all along, and we need each other to find it…

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